Monday, 27 February 2012

Set Free again.......from Glory to Glory!!!

Yesterday evening, as I got ready for bed, and as I start reading the passage that is this weeks Bible Study Group (SCC) focus at my church - the Lord has spoken to me through His word......and lifted me straight out of this time of distress that lasted for the last three weeks - I am set Free to Fly once again - Tears of Joy!!! Glory be to the Lord!!! Out of my own strength I couldn't have done this complete reversal of the state I was in - even though turning to Him at all times, I couldn't shake myself out of the struggle, that was raging within me - my mind ran rampant without ceasing......But Jesus calmed the storm raging inside of me, and His Spirit took my thoughts (my raging mind) captive - and set me free AGAIN.

From Glory to Glory, we're transformed into His Likeness - I know I am not there, as much as I hoped my breakthrough to this wonderful place of Grace, that I reached at the end of 2011, would be it, that I finally had arrived and could rest in His Grace forever more.

His plan is even greater than the one I had for myself - I can't wait to see it unfold, wherever that might lead me - whatever this might eventually mean. But He is not done with me yet - there is yet a deeper joy ahead!!! Praising Him for His Faithfulness. Through the latest time of testing, I learnt that I still had to let go of my fear of not measuring up on a deeper level yet. He's helped me through it. He could have let this storm pass me by, but He didn't, knowing that I needed to go through it, to grow and to reach another level of trust!!! 

God is faithful and He keeps His promises - we can trust Him with our lives and that of our loved ones - He is bigger than any of our struggles. Friends, keep hanging on, keep trusting Him, that He knows, when we're about to break and that He will provide a way through our tragedies and struggles, to create the character we need to fulfil the purpose He has for us. He, who started the work in us, will complete it. He'll never quit until He's through - and All we ever have to be, is what He made us :) - Hallelujah, Amen!!!

I love you lots, and I know, He has a plan for you, too!!! 

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Praising God really helps.....

This morning, I woke up way too early, with stiff and hurting shoulders, and already exhausted, to begin with.....the last weeks have just been a bit too much. Mind you, I believe the hurting shoulders are a sign, that I am releasing the tension, and that I am finally moving back into letting go and letting God take over. His will not mine, be done, on earth as it is in Heaven - as hard that it seems at times.

My mind was running at 100'000 miles an hour - this morning at 6:19.....couldn't focus on anything - the only thing that seems to work these days, is prayer and some of the verses I repeat endlessly, when stressed out. They give me peace to a certain extend, but I knew, that I needed church this morning more than ever before - soak up the Hymns and His word. I just love the worship at my church - today was the Lord's Supper - how fitting......I got to lay all my burdens down, and know that Jesus died for me - that I am forgiven, and that I am clothed in His Righteousness before God. So grateful for that!!! So praising Him with my church family this morning lifted me up once more - I just love Him so much!!!

Afterwards we went for a walk in the woods - walks in the woods, are always perfect for me, to collect my thoughts and to pray........I lift it all up to Him, and from the sermon today, I know, that the enemy is trying to silence my voice, and make me believe the lies - my biggest issues right now are impatience and fear. Impatience with my kids - due to being pressed from all sides in my everyday life right now. Fear, that seems so hard to get rid of, because it's ingrained in my being since my childhood - fear of not measuring up. When I hear God speaking to me, I know, that I am loved and that I can trust Him. 

Yesterday I read something, that really rendered me speechless: When the enemy is plotting your demise, the King, your Father in Heaven is planning your reward. That helped me to put several things back into perspective.....

On a physical level, I am just exhausted - my whole being just wants to slump, retreat and hibernate. Thankfully I know, that I can lean on Him, I don't have to slump and I don't have to endure the challenges and struggles in my own strength. He who has died for me, is standing in for me - I only have to be obedient to do what he asks me to do. I know, that lately I was tempted, to snatch back certain parts of my burdens, and burden myself with the How - and the trying to fix things on my own. Thankfully, I am reminded, not only through the word, but also through beautiful friends, that I don't have to pick that burden up again, and that this too shall pass.

Being purified and disciplined is never easy, but I know, that in these trials, God is strengthening me for the purpose He has for me. And thankfully I have Jesus, to whom I can give all my burdens and He will give me rest. And He will renew my strength!!!

So, my dear friends, let's keep pressing forward, and running the race, that is set before us - let's run to win it, and always remember, that He is planning the reward right now, even though we might fear, we're farther away than ever to receive the crown of Glory - trusting Him always!!!

In Christ Jesus - forever and ever

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Exhaustion.....but God is bigger - Hallelujah

It's Saturday and I have a bit of time, until my daughter and I have to go pick up my son from dance.........I am utterly exhausted - and the world is surely pressing in from all sides. People telling me, what I am doing wrong and how I should do things right.....accusing me of being poorly organized, depressed and all kinds of other things. Yet God is bigger and He sees me from the inside - He sees, that I give the best I have (the best I have may not be what the world considers the best, but all that really counts, is, what He says of me.) 

When I spend time in His presence, He tells me, that there is a time for everything - right now, in my life, that means: Be Mary, not Martha - dwell in my presence, as this is where your weary soul finds rest and is safe from your enemies. Trust in me, my dear child, my chosen one, I will protect you and I will provide for your needs. Don't try to please everyone around you, but run to me, and trust me with your life, don't try to do life on your own. I want you to win the race, my sweet daughter - my princess, so come to me and let me hold your hand and walk you through!!!

This is powerful and despite my exhaustion, I can feel Him changing the way I see life and feel His Love permeating my soul. More and more my outlook on life gets altered. I know, that I don't have to take the blows, the world tries to throw at me, and that I don't have to enter into the storms that are raging out there - by the way, in the world there will always be storms - but with Christ by our side, we don't have to drown in them, cause He has calmed the see, when He was out on the Lake with His disciples. So it's a choice: do we completely trust Him, and stay calm, knowing, that He is in Control, or are we fearful, that the enemy might swallow us whole, and that God is not who He says He is.

Even though I sometimes stumble, and get lured in by the world's point of view, deep down in my heart I know that I am safe in His loving arms, I just need to spend time with Him, and place my burdens at His feet. Then He will lift me up from amongst my enemies, and His Favour will follow me, wherever I go, and His Grace will lighten my step. My prayer for me and all of you today is, that we would not allow the world to drown the voice of God so easily, but that we would hang onto His promises and claim them for ourselves at all times. 

I find it helpful, to insert my name in the Bible passage , that speaks to me. That way, it becomes more personal and holds more strength. For example: 'I know the plans, I have for you, Youschka, plans to prosper you and not to harm you - Plans to give you a Hope and a Future'......maybe you want to try that, too sometimes :)

God  knows our heart of heart, He sees your potential, the world sees the result and the failure - make sure, that you stay pure in the heart, and love God with all your strength and He will bless you. One thing we can be sure of is, that God never runs out of Love, Joy, Grace and Mercy. He is never going to run out of anything - He provides and blesses us beyond anything we could ever ask for. Trust in Him always. He will complete the good work, He began in you. Therefore, we ought to never loose Hope!!! Don't let the world convince you to think differently. You are His priced possession  - it cost Him, His life.

The Glory be to God forever - Hallelujah

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Back in the Saddle again....

It's been a while - I honestly feel as if I ran a double or triple marathon or if a truck ran right over me.....the last 2 weeks have been tough - I wrote about the meeting we had beginning of February, that rendered me helpless and back in this old insecure frightened little me - God did come through for me since, but then just a week later, another attack came.....but both instances so short one after the other and then another 'little' attack on my birthday.....found me doubting the promises of God and wondering if it was maybe a counterfeit and it was all not real.....

But through reading my bible, asking God, to show me what He wanted me to do, talking to some really close friends - seeking godly counsel - praying - and then finally, yesterday, as I went to the visitation of a dear fatherly friend of mine - having approx. 3 hours to myself, to collect my thoughts, to pray - and to calm my senses.....allowing God's Spirit to flow though me, I knew that All was well with my soul!!! He's shown me, that He is real and that He has not given me a spirit of fear - but that He has given me the Holy Spirit, to courageously keep walking in His Strength to do what He is asking me to do - to further His Kingdom!!!

I know for a fact today, that, when I am filled with the Spirit, I can trust, that my experiences are real. No counterfeit at all - All is real!!! What God reveals to you, that is true, without a shadow of a doubt. Beth Moore said on her Facebook page, that the anointing God gives to you, is real and no counterfeit. It was what I needed to hear. I am always amazed, how God just knows what you need to hear or read.

Yesterday as I got together with a dear friend of mine, for our weekly bible study - we shared about what is going on in our lives, and through sharing some of my challenges, I realized, that I was way stronger, than I gave myself credit for - that God was holding me up - and that the ground on which I was standing, was far more stable than I thought it was. Praising God for pointing this out to me - then I went for the long drive, to show my love and respect for my friend, who had just passed on - I felt, that God knew exactly, that I needed this time to myself in the car, praying for my friends in their moment of grief, crying about the loss of a very gentle and kind man, who has been my surrogate father for almost 30 years, listening to Praise music and to not having to tend to impatient or fighting children, to be restored. When I got there, there was deep deep sadness.....over his passing, but also a tremendous peace in my heart, knowing that he was in Heaven now, and that we'll see each other again on the other side!!!

As you can see, God is Faithful and we can trust His Promises - ALWAYS!!! He will point them out to you along the way - We need to listen to this quiet whisper, trusting that He is near to us - even when we can't feel His presence, or even, when we think we failed Him in our unbelief!!!

Praising God tonight and forever for His Faithfulness 

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

The enemy never sleeps....

Today I was under attack from the enemy again - amazing what avenues he chooses to use....!! Luckily God had prepared me for this kind of battle already - remember, when I told you, that I felt like this frightened little me surrounded by the giants of my past misconceptions. Well, that's the same turf this attack happened on - different players, but still the same turf. 

Yet this morning, I received an e-mail from an Agent of God, a lady, who's ministry means a world to me - the topic was: Choose your battles, reminding, me that my battles aren't against flesh and blood, but battles fought in the Spiritual Realm and that He, my God fights them for me - He will bring justice in His time. I have to fight these battles on my knees, praying for those attacking me, and let Him fight the fight for me.

This is my choice today! Thankful, that I was able to keep my calm, and chose to not retaliate or justify and defend myself. He, who is in me is stronger, than the one who is in the world.

In Christ forever more :)

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Happy Valentine's Day

Hello sweet friends - this is my Valentine's Message to you :) - it doesn't matter if you're single or in a relationship: God loves you more than you can even imagine!!! You are His beloved daughter or son, and He is waiting for you to receive is gift of eternal love - It's yours, you only have to receive it. At the cross, Jesus gave you the ultimate Gift of Love, by dying for your sins, that you may be set free - that you might have this Love Relationship, with the One who has inscribed you in the palm of His hand. He will never leave you, nor forsake you.

Here is a quote I found very fitting for Valentine's as it is about Love - it portrays how God's love to us can transform us:

Joy is Love exalted; Peace is Love in Repose; Patience is Love enduring; Faith is Love in the Battlefield and Meekness is Love in School - by 19th Century Evangelist D. L. Moody (the Billy Graham of his era).

When we have arrived at this state of being, Christ's Love is made perfect in us. That's my ultimate goal here on this earth. Praying that you would all feel Christ's Love poured out today and in the days to come. May you be able to live in His Presence more and more each day and may we all be transformed into living in Joy, Peace, Patience, Faith and Meekness.

God Bless y'all my friends

Monday, 13 February 2012


Wow - I am always amazed, how fast I hear back.....this morning after I had dropped off  my kids at their respective little doggie and I went for a much needed walk in the woods....praying and breathing in the fresh air. I fervently asked Him, to show me, what was at the root - why I could not operate out of Grace with my children.....

1. I am still hurt, by all the criticism I had to take from their father - that somehow I couldn't move on - mind you, that isn't even their fault (well I guess, most of the time, when we're reacting out of a past hurt - the one who gets the reaction very seldom has caused it) still, it grieved my heart, that I would treat them that way because of something someone else did to me - or should I say, because I perceived it that way??? That lead to another emotion, that was part of what is going on with me and my kids - Shame that I treat them that way - even though I love them so much..... - so I had to ask Jesus, to forgive me, for treating them like I often do....and to help me to forgive my ex-husband for his criticism, as well as to help me, to forgive myself.... - stay put, we're not done yet:

2. God showed me, that the whole thing went even deeper yet: Maybe you remember, that I am still praying for the love of my life to return to me....... - well, God clearly showed me, that I harboured huge unresolved pain due to the rejection I suffered back when I lost everything (I am talking about the man, I had thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with all these many winters ago), even his friendship - and big huge self condemnation, because I didn't stick to my own resolution: only to marry, if I found a love like that again (mind you though, at the time i thought I was doomed, that I could never find another love this deep). Also the fact that I didn't follow God's instruction, to only marry a christian man, that also had a true relationship with Christ. - 

I felt, that I deserved my ex-husband's criticism, cause I had walked out from underneath Christ's protection. I actually saw the issues with my son as a punishment from God - unknown to me until today. Wow, this is BIG!!! Today I know, that God would not punish me like this - that He loves me despite my wrong decisions of the past - when I walked along the creek, I could almost feel His loving arms holding me, and telling me, that He knew my heart, and that He had compassion for my loss back then and He still has compassion for me today - and He forgives me, for not trusting Him, to bring another love this deep into my life, that I rushed into marriage - because I was pregnant with my first child. That in itself bears yet another pain: my ex-husband wanted me to abort this child.....but that was never an option for me, yet I felt utterly on my own in my joy of expecting a baby, after the first shock had worn off. But God helped me today to forgive all that (myself and my ex-husband)  - He knows us in the deepest places of our hearts and wraps us up in His loving embrace of Love and Grace - having actively waited for us, to finally respond to His invitation to receive His Forgiveness and Grace, which sets us free indeed.

He forgives us ALWAYS, for He knows, that we know not what we do. Praise Him!!!

I cried for some time on the way home, only to afterwards feel so relieved inside, that finally I knew what was going on, and why I reacted the way I reacted. Now, as I lifted this pain and sorrow to my Heavenly Father, and asked Him, to heal my heart, I know, that it will still take time, until the wounds are healed - but at least I know they're well taken care of by the Only One that can heal such deep wounds. I also know, that raising children is not an easy task, there will always be challenges, but with these big things cleared out of the way, I am sure, the love of Christ can start flowing to my children more freely now.

Praising Him for His great compassion and His great AGAPE Love!!!

In Christ forever more

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Operating out of Grace and Patience...

God has shown me today a deeper meaning of Patience.....than the one I knew up until today: He actually showed me, that patience is an act of active waiting - it's seeing the potential of a situation or person, and trusting God, to come through in this particular circumstance, that His Will will be done ultimately. Patience paired with Grace, that's what God is applying towards His Children. I am simply amazed at seeing it play out all around me. God is like the Father in the Story of the Prodigal Son - actively waiting for His Son (All of us) to return to Him.

Somehow, that's how I view the situation with my family - I know, God is in Control - and I know, that in His time, He will make all things beautiful - He has called me now, to actively wait for Him to fulfil His promise, to turn this thing around. As hard as it may be, I am willing to obey - as He is the Only One, who can bring this change about, since it needs a change of hearts - and that is His domain, not mine :) 

But I know He will do it. It's JUST a matter of time!!! Yet, time it takes - fast forwarding to salvation isn't going to work. Every single family member will have to make the decision to follow long as it takes - as much as I wish I could do it for them.....I have to accept the fact, that I can't. He's calling me, to leave it to Him alone.

When we are in this place of Grace (and that's How Jesus operates - He gives us Grace abundantly) we, like Jesus, see only the Good in those we encounter. Through partaking in the Grace of Christ, we are made whole in Christ - we reflect Jesus to those around us. And because His Grace has set us free, we are free from bondage forever. No need for guilt or shame anymore. That's why Jesus says in the Bible, that His Grace is sufficient for us - we need nothing and none else!!

Over the last year, Jesus has drastically changed my heart - lifted me up to this beautiful place of true Grace, seeing each and everyone of my original family from this place - I even see my ex-husband from this place of Grace - Hallelujah!!!   The Thorn, that's remaining in my flesh now, is the relationship with my children.....there I still operate from a critical point of view.....I learnt to let go, and cast my fears and worries over to Him, but I don't seem to be able to see their potential and not their failures yet - honestly questioning why, as I don't understand.....I am not worried anymore, I have Faith, that God is in Control and that ultimately All will be well. I don't have to be super mom anymore, who has everything under control including her children....

Why is it then, that in this area, I still struggle.....I am lifting this question up to God, asking for His guidance to lead me where ever this maybe (maybe I am still harbouring unforgiveness in my heart, maybe bitterness, maybe pain....) whatever it is, I am sure, God will point it  out to me, convict me and then He will show me, the missing link - bind my wounds, iniquities, pain, and shame - whatever is at the root of the challenge we face in our home to this day. 

My prayer is, that God Almighty will change my heart once more, transform me to yet another level of Grace and Patience.....that I can be like Him, and see my children through His eyes, and forever bury this critical spirit, and in all circumstances operate from this wonderful place of True Grace. The Grace that I have received so generously from Him, who gave His life for me!!!

All in all, life has become this truly intriguing and interesting adventure, I never quite know, where He will lead me each day, but I can't wait to unwrap all that He has for me - including to face my iniquities head on, and let Him transform me day by day.....into His Likeness. I don't think, Life has ever been as exciting....., as it is today.

Gratefully yours :) - In the name of Christ

Saturday, 11 February 2012


GRACE - what a great place to be!!! Amazing, through a pretty rough patch the last few days (very unsettled inside....having lost touch with the place of true Grace) - God has shown me, what living life in the grip of Grace really means:

It means that, when I am living through God's Grace alone, I am always in the flow - always in touch with what God wants from me and for me.....I am peaceful, calm, thankful and fulfilled. I look at the people I encounter with the eyes of Jesus - I see them faultless, pure....I see their potential not their failures and mistakes. Yet when I get catapulted out of this place, like I have been during the last little while, just through feeling fearful - remembering Old Patterns in family settings - I see the faults, the flaws all around me. Then again I am tempted, to feel insecure, not measuring up to the high expectations I have on myself.....forgetting, that Jesus came to set us free - not to judge and condemn, but to convict, transform and ultimately to set us free from the bondage of the world. That we may be free to live out the purpose He intended for us.

Thankfully this unsettling moment only lasted for a short little while - my soul  has been restored, to the 'factory settings' - how God Himself has created me through my Faith in Christ. Set Free and given wings to fly!!! Hallelujah - what an amazing God I serve.

Now I know, that I have to make sure, that I stay centred, and that means, to at all times have my priorities straight. That God always comes first, and that I need rest and down time.

Here is a funny analogy for you: my laptop gave out yesterday evening....I took it into the Apple Store today, they had to erase the old hard drive and reinstall the operating system. After that was done, and I was back in the car, I somewhat felt renewed inside as well - probably because I was praying constantly and telling Him, that I absolutely needed His All Surpassing Peace again - that I didn't like what was going on inside of me - it felt as if God had erased this frazzled and unsettled me, and reinstalled His Peace and His Grace on my personal Hard Drive.

Yesterday, when I wrote my last blog, I had just surfaced from having been cornered into fear again, and God had shown me, that I really didn't have to go to this place of fear anymore.....yet a little bit of the nervousness still lingered. Now it's completely gone - it's absolutely amazing, that the lover of my soul comes through ever so quickly to rescue me. Thank you Jesus - without you I couldn't do this thing called life. I gladly surrender all my fears and worries to Him, who cares for me :)

Praise God - In Christ forever

Friday, 10 February 2012

Old patterns....but I am strong in Him

Hello my dear friends, it's again been a while - life has been just a tad too busy. My dad visited and that has meant even more hats for me to wear.....

Let me tell you this, it's harder to shake old patterns than I thought - just through the meeting we had recently regarding the family issue, that I wrote about before, I can see clearly, that Satan is trying to defeat me - especially since my love for Christ is REAL and STRONG - he is trying to put me back in this fearful state - and for a moment he had me, where he wanted me.....thankfully only for a moment. Jesus, who is in me, is stronger than the one, who is in the world. Praising God for this Truth.

For a little bit I felt like this little girl again, surrounded by these giants - yet I see, again, that it's not the person attacking me (I was worried for a moment that it was) but I know better now, it's the enemy trying to silence my voice....God came through for me again and again over the last months and I have HUGE FAITH in the One, who gave His life for me....he very clearly calls me, to turn my fears and my worries in this matter over to Him. To leave it to Him, to lead me and my family back home.

This is the promise, I receive each time I fervently pray for the situation at hand, that He will guide us and that He is in Control - I do not have to fear, fret or dread. Thank you Jesus, for loving me and my family this way.

Thankful for my wonderful christian friends, that help me through quoting Scripture to me and through giving me godly counsel. This time the counsel truly is: Be Still and know that I am God. He is - and He is God Almighty and while I cannot feel His guidance, am not prompted to do anything, really ALL I HAVE TO DO, is, to BE STILL and KNOW that HE is GOD!!! Praising Him greatly this very moment.

Sometimes waiting is the hardest thing to do - but when in the end, the reversal of destiny occurs, no one can take the glory for it, but God Alone. This is why often times, we are called to simply be still and wait on the LORD and in His Time, He will make All Things Beautiful.

God bless you, my faithful friends......praying that through Him rewriting my story into His Story, that you would see, He truly can use all of us.......if He can use me, He sure can use you :)

Praise God for His Faithfulness.
In Christ