Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Judge not, lest you will be judged....

These last weeks have found me on a roller coaster - Generally speaking, I am doing well, believing that my God is in Control of everything concerning me. He has shown me so many times, that He cares for me and that He's right there with me - so no, I am not doubting His love and His promises........

.......still my life is marked by emotional ups and downs.......No Clue, why - well, i do, but I don't understand.....and I don't like it one bit: yet here is, what happened:

I spoke with my brother yesterday, and somehow, he still manages me loosing my balance (if only for a short little while, until my God assures me, that all is well with my soul, and that He is right there with me)........but it bothers me, that my brother can unsettle me that way. The reason, that threw me off kilter yesterday, is his self righteousness, with which he thinks he has the right, to judge my parents, and he is the one, who has been hurt - he has been hurt, no doubt about that. But he also has hurt others. And my parents have been hurt - and yes, they did hurt him - but they didn't do it with an agenda, what he accuses them of. My parent's generation carries a burden, that we - the generation afterwards will not ever understand......... - who has the right to throw the first stone??? Only the one, that has not sinned.........that's for sure not him or any other human being for that matter..

His attitude got me thinking: what do we even know about growing up during and after World War II in Germany, with all that entailed........yet that was my parents' childhood - all the fears and tears - hard to imagine. My Dad's dad died from a work accident, when my Dad was only 15 years old.....that must have ripped his whole world apart. In one of the workshops I did during the summer, I had the privilege to witness a family constellation for a woman, that had lost her mother when she was 15. The entire sadness had made her loose part of herself - and made her feel guilty that she was alive, and she wouldn't allow herself to be happy. My Dad, who is an absolute Alpha Male, has covered his hurting soul with work and money.......the way he defines himself today - sad sad sad indeed, but it served him well, to survive. And until he faces Judgement Day, there is still hope. Today, that he is old (or should I say ageing) he is miserable in his skin.........but who has the right, to judge??? No one has!!!

I know, my brother has had his share of hurts in his life, and I am not trying to diminish that. Yet I am saying: neither gets to judge the other. And I can see both their hurts......both as a matter of fact have hurt me during my childhood and youth - yet through the Grace of God, I could forgive them, and today I can see more clearly - I am not idealising either one, but I love them from the bottom of my heart...........despite or because of their deficiencies.

Due to my own studies of Psychology and all the workshops and Therapies I have done in my past (always looking for answers and to find my purpose in life), I have learnt, that we all carry burdens, that made us into the ones, we are today. Sometimes, what we have become is a very bitter and sad person......yet we're still alive, and while we're living, God can still turn our Story into His Story - if we only let him.........the stuff life dealt us, may have killed another person. So we cannot judge another, until we walked a mile in his or her shoes. And the Bible says: Judge not, lest you will be judged........

I am absolutely allergic to either of them talking in very bad ways about the other - I will not accept that anymore. And I told them both, that I am no longer willing to listen to any of that baby talk (but he has done this to me - so now I have the right to take this from him) Silly - it's two grown up men and a grown up woman talking like that - this is ok at Kindergarten level, but not at 50+.

So my prayer today is, that my parents and my brother would end this blaming game and FINALLY grow up - turn to Jesus and leave their heavy burden at the Cross........and be forgiven - and then to move on, to forgive others, and receive a new life in Christ. 

Friday, 25 November 2011

The tenderness of Jesus

Hello my dear friends

this post finds me actually in tears over the sweet love my Jesus has for me and his tender caring heart. As you all know, it has been weeks that I couldn't sleep properly - I am not complaining at all, cause a lot of these sleepless moments were spent praying for all the things that are heavy on my heart right now, or prayers sent out for my sweet friends in Christ, or just communicating with the Love of my life: Jesus!!!

Two nights ago, I was sitting in my new chair in my bedroom - I actually bought this chair, to have it for my devotions and prayer times....... - I so love it - anyway, I was sitting there, praying for my Lord to give me a good night sleep and that I could sleep through - then I opened my bible (unfortunately I didn't mark the verse), but He promised me a good night sleep right there- I got all emotional over this, marvelling at the tender love He holds for all of us, for the asking - or even without us asking.

All I can say, I am forever grateful for His steadfast love, even if I fail him a million times a day, or even if it has taken me a lifetime to find him. Now my heart overflows with deep deep love for Him........ - my saviour and the lover of my soul.

Praise the Lord, and friends, I urge you, if you haven't found that love in Him yet - keep searching, He is the one, who holds you in the palm of His hand!!!


Tuesday, 22 November 2011

God is in charge of the How - ALWAYS

Yesterday my brother wanted to see me - to tell you the truth, I was afraid. So when I went after the Fall Membership Meeting at the school, I wasn't too unhappy, that he wasn't around. I left and went to bed.......not without texting him before, that I had come by, but he wasn't there. So when I woke up at night, he had texted me back, accusing me of avoiding him..... - not true, just not too eager to see him, you might say. Each time when I meet with him, he somehow depletes me and makes me feel very small and almost non existent. And I have to admit, that I am scared of him. But deep down I love him. So this is a true dilemma.

This morning when I drove to see him, I called out to my Heavenly Father, knowing that he would go before me and that He also covered my back.......-and the meeting went much better than expected. Glory to God!!!

I feel His touch everywhere I go - today a song from Amy Grant floated through my soul - don't know the title but the refrain goes like this: 'All I ever have to be is what He made me' - freeing indeed.

He, my Father in Heaven, will see me through all of this......no matter the outcome. For my trust is in Him alone. But my prayer is that my family members that are still in the grip of darkness, would be saved and receive the gift of Eternal Life. 

I have confidence in God, to turn this all around for the good - I am eternally grateful, that, through the study of Esther, I have learnt, that God is in charge of the 'HOW' he's going to turn the story around - ALL I have to worry about, is the WHAT - that I am obedient to what my God asks me to do.

Hallelujah, Praise God!!!

Monday, 21 November 2011

Lord, can you use me - REALLY?

November 19th, 2011

Well Lord, what was that? Can u use it? I sure hope so.........I don't feel good about it, but yes, I have to trust that this is what u can use for the good. I have been praying, that you'd go before me.......and I wasn't afraid.......yet I am always so emotional, and they still can intimidate me........................Lord, I give it to you. I believe you were all over this meeting, for I sure don't feel as if I have said and done nearly half of what I wanted to say - but I hope that the Holy Spirit can take it and turn it into something good!!!

Why do I never feel satisfied, when I come out of a meeting with either my brother or my sister - even though with my sister this time we did have common ground. Somehow they all strip me of my self worth - I know Lord, it's about you - and you can turn it all around .........let me know, if I did your will.........not sure.......honestly!!!

I know, in you I have victory.........so maybe it's by being this emotional person that I am........this is what it takes...........Lord, and I am willing to fight the good fight - it's not that I am afraid of fighting..........lead me towards the next steps. I trust you father!!!


Here we go again - I am amazed at what speed your Spirit comes through for me these days. It wasn't so much about what I said - but what was said. And thanks to the study of Esther, I can see more clearly now.

I rest in you and I give you the Glory!!! 
You are an amazing God, indeed!!! 

Thank you for reassuring me.

Love always

November 20th, 2011

Wow - again: God just blows me away each time, I meet with him. He's shown me two things: 
1.  That I still had unforgiveness in my heart to my brother for s. th. he had done to me when I was 11, which caused me not to trust him. So to today at church I cried my eyes out, but I left it at His feet......and I am FREE - indeed!!!  

2. I also realized that yesterday's meeting wasn't so much about what I said, but to what was said and that it was heard by the Spirit!!! Hallelujah, God really moves everything and everybody in perspective. I am so GRATEFUL!!! ♥

Integrity and honesty pave the way....

November 17th, 2011

It's late, or should I say it's early. I can't sleep - and it is now 1:30 am - I really should try to find some rest.......yet I cannot!!!

Funnily enough, meeting my sister to pray for our parents and my brother - as good as it was to pray together.....somehow talking to her made me weak......and made me almost loose touch to the promise I received earlier this week. She can be so harsh - and somehow I can't hold my own YET........and I get sucked in. Yet I love her dearly - and when we're in the spirit, we're all good. But if we're just our mortal selves, it can be very hard and intimidating.

It was great though, to lift my family up to the throne of God in unity. For when 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I will be in the midst of them :)

Since then I found my own ground again. What my Christian Counsellor said last summer is so true. My sister gives Truth - whereas I am giving Grace. And I will keep believing in Christ to do the same, as He knows mankind. As He knows the truth, that truly neither my parents nor my brother know, what they're doing, that such fight is playing right into the hands of the Devil. Yet I will stand in the gap for my family today, as I have done it in the past - and I will do it tomorrow and all the rest of my days.

Praying that what the devil has planned as a stumbling point in their lives, to cause eternal disunity in my family, will be turned around - just as in the story of Esther, where a reversal of destiny took place a couple of times. I know that the same scenario can be applied to this situation. 

Jesus, I know, you will see each of us through this disaster. Thank you for your faithfulness. You will lead all mankind back into your loving arms. 

Another amazing aspect of the last months: there are gazillions of prayers that have been answered for me. Praise God.

I did find a new nanny - who will come to live with us from Macau - so grateful!!! Thank you Jesus.

And now I even have another one starting this Sunday, to cover for the time until she gets here!!! Hallelujah - Praise God.

We did find a teacher for my son and he starts to enjoy working for school. Praying that this works out just great for him - I know God is in this arrangement, too. And He will finish the work he started in Nico as well.

The 2 questions that were the most important ones, I wanted to ask Amy Grant or Karen Kingsbury, or any other Christian God would place in my life for that matter - and where I was praying to meet someone, who knows the original Bible.........the answers were given to me by the Holy spirit - now I simply have to research a bit more in detail. But the pillars have been given to me. Thank you Father in Heaven - you truly are an amazing God!!!

Then: two friends from my past, On one of them I had a huge crush on during my studies in Lausanne, have contacted me on fb, one of them thanking me for my heartfelt and sincere letter from 20 years ago. Wow - see, a) I don't have to pretend to be different - sincerity and integrity will pave the way for deeper connections. Now we're messaging back and forth - it's great and he's asking me about my faith :) - wonder what his take is on that......

My friend Lesley also asked me about my faith once (as I am not making it a secret on faithbook) and asked me, what to make of the prophecies that the world was going to end this year in May. I am truly amazed @all the opportunities that I get to share openly about my faith :)

Wondering, what God will do in the months and years to come - I am so fulfilled!!! And living all the different struggles today, I can say from the bottom of my heart, that yes, my God will see me through everything. He might even bring me a new man - handpicked for me - still secretly hoping and praying that I'd be reunited with the one that felt so much like finally arriving @home so many years ago -  But then, with God nothing is impossible :) 

So, I got to try to sleep now.......good night my precious friends.

Your sister in the Lord

The work of the Holy Spirit

November 14th, 2011

Wow, this is powerful!!! Today the Lord has been talking to me, how he's making me strong to face those that I feared most all my life and speak, what the Holy Spirit will lead me to speak, into a situation of disunity - assuring me, that His truth will be heard through me - and that indeed he will move mountains. Hallelujah - Praise the Lord.

I have to say, that I have deep deep faith in the Sovereignty of my Lord Jesus Christ, that I will go into the Lion's den - not without fear, but believing that the Lord will deliver me and see me through.

I am amazed at what He is doing!!! Had all what has transpired in the last less than a week, happened a year ago.....I would have crumbled........not being able to withstand the pressure - but God has made me so much stronger already - I am eternally grateful for the work He has begun in me and I trust him, to complete it in me, until I meet him face to face.

Wow, what a mighty God we serve - and now it looks as if I have a nanny for the time being........praise God.!!! God is in control!!!! Hallelujah!!!

My son has done 5 pages of maths homework, but he only had 2 pages to do - praise the Lord for this, as well. Lord, fill me with your Spirit, to be more patient and kind with my kids and even if I can't follow my son's fantasies, help me to allow him to elaborate on it, even if it's not easy for me........as it is so foreign to me.

I love them both tremendously - I pray for guidance as to create a more loving and cosy home!!!

Reading Esther really is such an inspiration.........showing the providence of God - helping me to trust in Him even in the matter concerning my family - for even though He isn't mentioned in the book once, God is all over it - and He is in control!!! Hallelujah! - so even if God is not mentioned in this matter - He is all over it as well. Praise God!!!

These are my thoughts for today - I love you all :)

In Christ Jesus

Christ is a Sovereign God...

November 11th, 11

This is what I wanted you to read: I am in this marvellous group of people, that will be cruising together this coming March and on Wednesday I asked them to pray for my family - which they did ........I am so grateful for this tremendous blessing!!! - so this is what I posted on the group's facebook page last night: 

Hello my friends - 

I just wanted to share, what the Lord has revealed to me regarding the situation I asked for prayer a couple of nights ago: "For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory" - as we're never fighting against the people (so it's not my brother and my parents, that are really fighting, but it's the fight against the evil forces) - in Christ there is Victory ALWAYS. So I call on Christ in prayer and I know, he is ultimately in Control......he will bring justice. I have given it to God and He has set me free from the need to fix it for all the people involved. I will keep praying (and I urge you to do the same, for when there a 2 or more praying in one accord, He will grant the petition....) But I have also been told: that a) I don't have to/can't fix it and b) it's not my responsibility. Even if it breaks my heart to see it happen in my family - it's just the same everywhere in the world, where there is strife.....and the prayer Jesus said in dying on the Cross: 'Father forgive them, for they know not what they do' was true then as much as it is true today!!! And Our God is a forgiving God, so I trust in His promises, and keep walking in Faith :)
Please keep lifting my family up to the Throne of God!!! 
I am so blessed to be in this group of praying friends!!! I ♥ u all and I pray for you all!!! Your sister in Christ ♥

I am amazed, how my Jesus always always meets me in my despair......I was agonizing over all the things that have transpired over the last few days. Yet again: Love happens, when there is forgiveness between people. So my prayer for my family today is that they will all find Christ through this situation before them, as in Christ there is forgiveness. And that they realize the ultimate truth: that people hurt people everywhere.........yet that we have to unite in prayer for the fight for our souls, that is raging in the heavenlies, Satan wants to see family bonds shattered to the ground.........we can't allow that. So we have to spend the battles on our knees, praying without ceasing for the Lord to help us....for we have Victory in Christ alone. Yes, people do not know what they do, so Father please forgive my brother and my parents, for they know not what they do, and please bring justice, peace and unity into this house!!! I will praise the Lord always, as he has revealed this to me today through His Spirit. Eternally grateful for His Love and Guidance.

I love you all - in Christ alone there is Victory over Satan's schemes!!!

God hears our Prayers....

October 27th, 2011

It has been a while - I have been so busy...........my parents and and my Ex-husband are visiting and that means things are not really easy for me......

My son is still home and he doesn't like it so much..........yet the school and I are working hard at finding a way to help him...........I am trusting my God, to lead the way. I would like my son to go on a Mission trip when he's a bit older.......to see the poverty and the need for service in the world.

I know the Lord has huge plans for him - now we have to pave the way for him to stand tall in his Faith - and never to be compromised by the world. That's my deepest prayer.

Lord, fill me with your love and your Spirit continuously.........I need that - without you I loose touch........guide me and bring me closer to you!!!

My friends, I can assure you, that God is really @work in all of us and for all of us - simultaneously..........even if we don't see it, so please hang in there. He let's us know that our prayers are heard........and even if he doesn't, he still hears them. I once read, that God not answering our prayer, means either: NOT YET or I HAVE SOMETHING MUCH BETTER FOR YOU MY CHILD. Once our prayers are attuned with his will for us, we can be assured a) that he hears them and b) that he is working in our lives and the lives of others, to fulfil his promise.

Lord, I totally love you :)
Thank you for all the things you're teaching me these days. Help me to stay close to you and keep surrendering to your word and your will....................for out of my own strength I cannot do anything!!!

In Christ

Be still and know that I am God

October 4th

Be still and know that I am God!!!! 

Trust and obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit...........wait and the Lord will show you the way!!! Sometimes the waiting and being still is the hardest, cause you don't have a clue, what to do next.....-but this Verse tells you, it's okay to be still (do nothing out of your own will) and know, that God is @work for you.. 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.” means a world to me now! I have surrendered all my ways to the Lord - without Him I cannot do the situation with my son - being the mom he needs and hanging on to dear life. But when I am surrendering my life to Christ, I know He will turn anything that was intended for evil around for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose. Therefore I trust and obey and ask the Holy Spirit to fill me completely, so that You can through me minister to my son's needs..............Lord I put my trust in you forever!!! For you alone are worthy of my praise and worship - to you alone be the Glory!!!

I love you and I will praise your name forever.

Thank you, Jesus, for coming through for me aways!!! Hallelujah - Praise the Lord

October 8th 2011

The few verses of the song that floated through my soul all day yesterday was: Trust and Obey, there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey!!! Yes there is none.....that's the only way!!!! And I am willing to do it!!!! No matter the cost.

Lord, make me a vessel you can use!!!  I need to ride the high waves with you......Lord my spirit yearns to be with you.......ALWAYS!!! <3 

Yesterday was tough.........running around like crazy - Lord I need your help in rearing my kids. Lord we need family play times and a cozy home.......help me create this, that my children will have great memories......fill my impatience with your patience.......let us do games and play together.

<3 u Lord 4 ever!!!

Sunday, 20 November 2011

Life's challenges......

October 2nd (late evening)

BANG!!!!!!!! Satan sure doesn't give up.......he's gotten me good tonight:

1. My brother is back and he wants his nanny, that helps me out @the moment, back - and 

    he thinks I didn't try hard enough, to find a new nanny.....little does he know!!!

2. I receive an e-mail saying that my son can't go back to school yet........

I broke down and cried - asking the Lord to take me home now........I can't endure all this hardship!!!! Always I am the one who has to face everything on my own...........................I can't do this - I am just not strong enough (worthy enough).......

Yet, my God is with me - he comes through again, in this deep valley of sorrow : 

Isaiah 40: 1-2 "Comfort Comfort my people (me)," says your God.
"Speak tenderly to Jerusalem (me). Tell her, her sad days are over and her sins are pardoned. Yes, the Lord has punished her twice over for all her sins."

And: Isaiah 40:29-31 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired and young men will fall into exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord, will renew their strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

And:  Psalm 119:25-32 I lie in the dust; revive me by your word. I told you my plans and you answered. Now teach me your decrees. Help me to understand the meaning of your commandments, and I will meditate on your wonderful deeds. I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word.
Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing your instructions. I have chosen to be faithful; I have determined to live by your regulations. I cling to your laws. Lord don't let me be put to shame! I will pursue your commands, for you expand my understanding.

Yes and yes and yes!!!!! I cling to your word and your promises. Lord sustain me - fill me with your spirit in all the areas of my life - only when you dwell within me, can I handle all these storms that life throws at me. I know Lord, that you want me to simply stand - you are standing in for me and you are fighting the fight in the heavenly realm, where evil forces rage against you in me and in my son.......all I have to do is trust and remain standing!!!! Thank you Lord, once again for your Strength.....for only in your strength can I keep standing.

Your loving daughter forever yours!!!

October 3rd

Hello here I am again. Life is truly challenging at the moment, but I am not without hope. Rest assured of that. As difficult as it is at the moment, I have faith and I believe in the things unseen. The promises have been given to me regarding my son, and myself......and I choose not to loose hope. Yet it would be nice if I got a bit of a glimpse as of what is going to happen next. Yet, here is another verse, that echoes through my heart: "Be still and know that I am God"! He will provide the next step. I have to believe in that.

Constantly praying for my son and praying for his rebellious spirit to be channelled into something good - getting angry is not a sin (even Jesus got angry, it's how we deal with it. And if we direct if properly, it can actually bring changes for the better). Keeping his amazing abilities intact, that he will keep his mind soaring, but being less defiant and more obedient. Please Lord, change his heart - make him see the benefits of being compliant. 

In you he is a new creation. Please help it to come to pass in the natural realm. Father, I trust you completely. Just be with me, when his dad gets here and he'll have to find out.

Lord, please be with him - I lift him up to your Throne...........bless him and help him on His journey. Reveal yourself to him, that he may personally see and hear you, that his heart may be open to sense your presence - that he knows for sure, that you are for real!!! 

As for me and my house we'll follow you, Lord. I am surrendering all my ways to you. Just help me, by revealing the next steps, as they come available. 

Yes, friends, that is what I can say @this stage......I will trust my God! He will deliver me from evil. He promised me yesterday that my sad days are over. Thank you Lord!!! Victory is to Jesus - one milestone in my faith is, that I dare to pick up the word and underline things that mean something to me. Trying to understand the meaning of it, I'd refer to my study bible......and I truly can do it own my own.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! God is good, All the time !!!! Yes!!!

My heart does hurt over all the things that my son has to live through.......even @such a young age........but with Christ we are strong and we can conquer the devil and what else will come our way, that tries to defeat us. 

To God alone the Glory!!! He will see us through and he's already changed me greatly. Not that the work is done, but we go from Glory to Glory!!!

Love you all, and if anyone of you is feeling discouraged today, trust in His promise, that His plans for you are good.....plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. He will never leave you nor forsake you!!! Hang in there, He will deliver you - from all the things that hold you back to receive life more abundantly in Christ. 

Your sister in Christ!

From Glory to Glory

October 1st

Praise God for His great works - He delivers my soul over and over again. Just this morning I found myself in tears over all the things and revelations that surfaced over the last week. My God is truly an amazing God!!! 

I love him with all my heart and this morning I surrendered my heart to him once more - tears were flowing and my body was shaking - as I surrendered being a Mom to Him and His Glory - in my own strength and persona I can never measure up - never give my children, what they need.......so I asked Jesus to fill me with the Holy Spirit in this area of my life fully and completely so that not I but His Love be seen in me. 

The Lord is doing amazing things in my life and I am utterly grateful for all he is doing - Lord use me always......let me be more concerned to further Your Kingdom here on Earth than anything regarding me. I humbly bow down before Your Holy Throne and thank you for trusting me!!! So Lord, this is the day that You have made!!! I freely and openly shout out for joy!!! Thank you for giving me this day, to use it for you!!! In the mighty name of Jesus I pray!!!

October 2nd

Sitting @the Coasters Diner @Canada's Wonderland.......thanking my Heavenly Father for His great provision!!!! It's not raining here - the boys are going on all the high rides with my friend Patty - Praise the Lord for providing such a great friend......my foot is hurting, so I am just having a coffee and sitting down - marvelling at how in God's Kingdom all works together for those who surrender to Him.

The Sermon today was incredibly awesome.......and the bottom line of today's sermon is: Yes, I am sure that I will go to be with Jesus, when I am leaving this earth......as I have an intimate relationship with my Creator today, and there is victory over sin in my life today (not always and not in all things of course, but sometimes) and I am willing to serve the church and further His kingdom, whichever way He calls me - so far I needed to simply consume His word....but I can sense change in that area as well........so I am surrendering it to Him, to let me know, what he wants me to do.....and I am ready to step up to it.......I have to say, that this is possibly the most exciting time of my life right now - as there is a world of opportunities and possibilities - the Lord is pouring out His Spirit over me....... - and I am infinitely grateful.

It's simply incredible - when we decided to go into CW today, I prayed that the Lord would stop the rain - and He did - Hallelujah!!! The kids are having a blast and so is Patty - and I am enjoying my time to myself :) 

He comes through every day!!! So I praise the Lord all the days of my life. Today is the day that the Lord has made :) let us rejoice and be glad in it :) <3

I can say that I am not afraid anymore - through life's experiences - I have learnt that my God will see me through the valleys of any trial that comes my way - and despite my circumstances that are ongoing today and the ones that will still come my way, I can say I am not worried or afraid - I am joyful and the peace that only comes from God......floods my soul. This is amazing, indeed and I am awed beyond anything that I could ever have imagined.

Jesus truly comes and conquers - with Him we have Salvation, we have Transformation and we have Victory!!!

With Him, we do not have to be afraid of our adversaries or our opponents (the devil himself) - in Jesus we are free and victorious!!!

With Jesus, we don't have to stand in the trials and fight alone - he only needs us to stand in his promises and He will fight for us and deliver us for good!!!! Thank you dear father.

Life has never been more exciting and versatile - the book might truly happen, and it's not about me, it's about glorifying him. Before I might have been tempted into wanting the  significance for myself - not anymore!!! Hallelujah - Praise be to God!!!

He has filled my cup to overflowing!!! I can hardly contain it.

Maybe working with children/youth......in therapy and pointing them to God Almighty - the creator of the universe!!! Maybe just helping other mom's trusting God with their Loved ones - God, you name it - whatever you have for me, wherever you lead me, I am following hard after you.

I never expected to see so clearly.......today I can almost see forever!!! Thanks for considering me trustworthy Lord, to reveal such vast plans to me.

I just love you eternally!!! And for ages I have loved you! The veil just got torn away - people see the difference in me - and this is because you have healed my heart and you're growing me from Glory to Glory!!!

In Christ Jesus I am made whole!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

In Christ we have Victory.....

September 27th, 2011

Today I am going to tell you 3 other revelations over the last little while:

1. don't short change your loved ones. God doesn't short change you. We are all in desperate need of Grace at all times, cause we are far from being perfect. If God did not extend His Grace and Forgiveness for the asking, where would we be. Yet, when you ask forgiveness, know that you are forgiven - that's how Our God works - Hallelujah!!!

2. Depression is the Absence of Hope - therefore the Absence of God - or the feeling of being deserted by God.....we know, he doesn't leave us ever! But it sure feels that way

3. Everything good in our lives really comes from God - help me Lord to enjoy and embrace all the precious gifts we get from you.

That was just a short little blog, as I don't really have much time, but I wanted to make sure I didn't forget to write the words down, that the spirit whispered into my heart during my reflection time - and you know, these days most of my spare time is spent reflecting on truths I either found in God's word or through reading God centred books, like Bibles Studies etc. 

Thank you Lord - I love you :)

September 28th, 2011

Here we go again - during my devotions this morning I begged the Lord for a verse for my son - as things have not been going too well @school. There was even talk of maybe the school is not the right place for him. Which honestly felt like a slap in my face - as I've cherished the value of this school to us (mainly the value of Christian Education) - but most of all that I now felt left alone. Mind you though somehow God has come through on so many levels, that I feel I can get through this when God is by my side - still it always felt great to have them at my side, too..

I can see where they are coming from - but I tell you, some evil spirit is running havoc, to claim my son for himself - the devil doesn't want him to victoriously rise - so I believe that Satan is blind folding the teachers, to not see the change. It can be that due to all the situations that arose over the years that he is now preset in his ways, but it can also be that they are also forcing him to be stuck in his old ways because they are afraid of what might happen. Yet he has changed, and I don't think there is any imminent danger - but Faith and Trust are needed..

This morning I read in my devotions, that I need to trustfully pray to the Lord, believing for the things I pray for in the right attitude - as it does sometimes do take time - but God will deliver us from our enemies - in His time (and since our arch enemy is Satan, He, the Lord will deliver us from the hold of Satan's power - and I have to walk in Faith and claim God's promise for my beloved son).

Today, when I asked for a special verse - he seems to always take me back to Isaiah...... - he pointed me to Isaiah: 62 - so he basically nudges me to keep praying for Zion (my son) until his Salvation blazes like a burning torch. The nation will see your (his) righteousness, World leaders will be blinded by your (his) glory!!! Hallelujah
He will be held in the hand of God - for all to see - a splendid crown in the hand of the Lord. Never again will he be called 'the Forsaken one' - but he will be given a new name from the mouth of God 'the City of God's Delight' thank you my dear Father in Heaven - I thank you for this verse.....

It gives my weary heart a soaring hope - and peace!!! Lord you never fail to fill me with hope!!! Thank you.

We all know friends, how incredibly hard it is sometimes to hang onto God's promises - but with time it does get easier, because we've had evidence that he is with us, and that he never leaves us - I can assure you of that, so I urge you, keep pressing onward in the race placed before all of us, to receive the crown of Glory!!! The reward will be tremendous, if we never loose faith. God is at work in all of us all the time.

The 2nd Verse God gave me this morning: 2nd. Corinthians 12:6-7

I am praying for you all, that you will feel the promises of God to be real for you and that you can take part in His glorious riches that are ours in Christ Jesus.

May the Lord continue to bless you.

September 29th, 2011

The prayer for my son all the time is this:  Praying that he will chose the Crown of Life over the lies and distractions Satan is trying to lure him away with. But with the promises I have been given through Scripture lately, I know God has claimed him as his own, and it is only a matter of time, and prayer and faith on my part, until it will be there for the world to see it, too. The Verse given to me yesterday, when I was doing my quiet time with the Lord were Isaiah 62:1-5 - what a great promise and relief (but staying in the Faith is never easy, when the natural realm outside the home doesn't show the same fruit!!!) Yet I will not budge and I will in prayer and petition lift this up to God Almighty and choose to believe in the unseen. For according to our Faith it will be given to us!!! God is good ALL THE TIME!!! Hallelujah!!! 

Another revelation was given to me in another Verse: 2 Corinthians 12:6-7 - without the situation with my son, I could very easily become proud.... - through the revelations that I have received from God, through the Holy Spirit, my ego could take the credit for them - but He surely uses this situation to keep me humble before the world, and to keep me kneeling before His throne and not become proud.

I recall an incident in 1993 or 94 (Christmas 93 or 94 to be exact) God made it clear that he has called me to something special-I was crying in Church, sobbing during the sermon, tears running down my face - All I could do was say 'Yes' to my God - not knowing that life would be so difficult many years later - yet so rewarding as well. I have walked through the Valley of depression (a time with no hope and the feeling of being deserted by my Heavenly Father - not being able to feel the presence of the Lord) - I did know deep down, that the Lord would not ever leave me or forsake me, but I could just not draw near and hear him whispering my name anymore.......I had great faith that he was near, yet I felt so deprived of spending time in the presence of the Lord!!! He has come through since then. Lifted me out of this pit of deep depression - filled my empty cup. 

At this particular time I treasured knowing that even if I couldn't pray in the Spirit (I could pray alright, but I couldn't hear or feel His presence - like I could before - I felt so alone!!! It was almost killing me inside, to not be able to hear his voice.) that the Holy Spirit would intercede for me. 

Today gladly I am back to resting my soul in God Himself - where I get strengthened and my cup gets filled, and my spirit gets renewed. Thank you Lord. 

Despite the bleak situation in the natural realm, I know that God is truly on my side, and I know, when my God is with me, all things are possible for me who believes!!! If God is on my side, who can be against me?

YES my friends, that is so true - I can almost touch these promises :) so keep hanging in there even if your life is hard and lonely at this time - I pray to God for you, and believe that He will come through for you. Sometimes when we feel He has deserted us, He is the busiest working on our behalf.

I am incredibly grateful and extremely inspired today - and trust me the time from April - or maybe even a lot longer than that - until seriously just a few weeks ago.....I felt ready to break. Now I am back in touch with my precious friend up in Heaven (It means so much to me!!!!) And even though it still isn't easy, I know, in Christ I can do all things!!! Right now it is holding on to the Promises of God for my son, and boldly walk forward......believing the things unseen, and continuously lift my son up in prayer - for you have to know, things in school don't go so well - the first 2 weeks were great, but since then, there have been many issues.

My take is, that the devil a) knows what a mighty warrior for God my son will be, so he's fighting for his life, to keep my son in bondage (at least in the school, where he has the people around him in the grip of fear and anxiety) - He was home 1 day last week, because the principal wasn't at school, to be there, in case s. th. went wrong with him, and an outburst couldn't be prevented. 

I can totally see, where they are coming from. Last year ended on a not so great note (even though better than the year before)....and they are weary. Regarding my son they are @their wits end. But that's exactly, where Satan wants them/us (at our wit's end, but that's were God will come through, if we cast our cares on Him, who cares for us - this moment and place represents the moment of defeat for Satan, so he prowls around like a lion trying to devour us - that we get stuck in anxiety and loose sight of the victory we have in Christ)  - that we won't trust and be afraid. Satan almost got me gripped with fear and doubt again, when things started to get bad again in school - yet, thankfully God came through for me once more - at home things are so much easier - obviously I don't have all these other children and parents to worry about. Yesterday, I happened to be around, when my son lost it again. I know, it's Satan taking him over - yet again, thankfully only for a short moment....... Unfortunately long enough to make a spectacle of himself again (with bad language and disobedience and being disrespectful). 

I know, where this comes from:

Satan/the spirit of fear is manipulating him and in moments like this he is not the Boy God created and has great plans for. But to see that, you have to be his mother (and before even for me it was hard to see and trust - now, through the Grace of God, my eyes were opened to see) - so for all the people @school it's not easy and the outward behaviour just shows a very disrespectful child - using bad language on top of everything. 

I don't know where we will be going from here, but I am not afraid or discouraged, for I know, my God will meet me where ever this road takes us. I have to tell you this is a huge step for me, because just a little while ago I would have felt so powerless and defeated, felt like such a failure as a mom, searching, where I may have failed my son - (but even there: I can only be the mother, he needs, if I let the Holy Spirit take over,  out of my own strength I am bound to fail. And that is another scheme of Satan, that he causes us to doubt ourselves. Out of my own strength I try to be this wonderful mom, with these wonderful children.....but it will never work, only when I let God use me, I can give my son the encouragement and patience that come from living in the Spirit......and only then will he feel the Love of Christ and the acceptance of Christ and will not be afraid) - but I know, my son needs to make His decisions on his own, and all I can do is encourage him and show him the way - yet I can't walk the path for him. First and foremost, He is God's child, and I know, God is at work in him even as I write this. I also believe, Satan is about to flee for good - but before that, He will bring out all his resources, to conquer my son and those around him. 

But in Christ we have Victory and the battle is won. Knowing that my son doesn't have to fight Satan on his own, but that Jesus did that for him at the Cross of Calvary, and does it now, gives me tremendous relief. God himself has claimed my son for his own - the fruit of this can already be seen @home - now it 'ONLY' needs to spill over into his school life......

even if this means to home school him for a while.....I trust in the guidance of the Lord.

The Glory be to God alone!!! Wow, that's been a long blog - I hope I could reach your heart with some of this. I feel so much compassion for all of you, that are going through tough times right now. May the Grace of God rest upon you and give you strength as you walk upon the path before you. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray!!!


Here is one more thing I'd like to share with you today: my 'Yes' to God there @Christmas 1994 is still a alive and vibrant today - back then I could almost all the time hear His voice resonate in my soul. The voice was loud and clear - a year or two afterwards, it had gotten less frequent, but was still audible - in a way it felt safer that way, cause I couldn't quite grasp it all before - so as much as I missed the close relationship, I was fine with the new arrangement - which stayed the way it was for many years, with times where I would not seek him as diligently, cause I still could hear him sometimes, but life happened and I got extremely busy. But through the last 6 months or so I felt so deprived of His presence, that I was searching for him more again....

So today, as I am hearing Him more clearly again, I know why it took me all these years of this safe relationship, where life was changing me and growing me - where God actually worked diligently in purifying and maturing me in my faith and character......so that now, whatever he is going to ask of me, I will do it more for God and less for me!!! Glory to God!!! Somehow I always thought that I would write....and even though my intentions would have been pure at the outset of all - I don't think I could have kept my ego out of it. My Ego would have probably tripped me, cause I would have wanted all the Glory - and it would have started to have been all about me. Now I see, that it's not about me, but what He can do through me (with all my individuality, no doubt, but not about me.....meaning EGO. So His timing is always perfect :)

I am thrilled to see, where He might be using me.....and where this journey will lead me. See you later my friends, and thanks for listening/reading!!! Glory to God alone - ALWAYS!!!

Saturday, 19 November 2011

First Blog ever......

September 21, 2011

Heaven knows, the last years were really hard, with my divorce, the move to Canada, all the strife in the family and then the difficulties with my son. It has cost me some gray hair, that's for sure - Praise God for being blonde (at least it doesn't show too much)!!!

Then let's go to the beginning of this year, my nanny resigning, the Tsunami Warning in Hawaii and following Evacuation/spending the night in the car - followed by my mom's emergency situation - and always the situation with my son.

Again, a few more gray hairs - still hidden, for no one to see, but the lines around my eyes sure can be seen.....- a sure indicator, that I am no spring chicken anymore. 

But here it comes, God has met me in all those circumstances and delivered me again and again, leading me from one place of Glory to another. Hallelujah - thank you so much - my sweet Jesus.

Through people, through music, through books and through therapists, and through His Word, He has ministered to my weary soul. At the brink of depression, I was digging into His Word May and June - and He sure has met me there, and filled my empty cup - so the depression is gone - PTL!!!

Reading #Karen Kingsbury's books over the last 8 years, has changed my understanding of how God is capable of working in our lives - ALL of our lives simultaneously for that matter...... I am forever grateful for these important messages and insights. Thanks Karen, I am honoured to know you from hanging out in your virtual living room, and I sure look forward to more of your books, but most of all to meeting you in March 2012..

So here I want to come to the point of today's blog:

Since school started, I feel a sense of relief regarding the stuff with my son - obviously Satan isn't going to let go easily (bombarding me with doubt, mainly sabotaging the trust I have in God, His Word and His Promise to me and as a consequence my trust in my son's New Life/the New Creation He is in Christ this very minute).

Whenever I feel doubt and worry tucking @my sleeve, I feel the Lord pointing me to Isaiah 43:19 - then to Isaiah 43:18-21 - Don't dwell on the Past. See, I am about to do a new thing - can't you see, I have already begun.....I am making pathways in the wilderness and create rivers through the dry wasteland, so my chosen people (my son) can be refreshed. I have claimed Israel (my son) for myself and they (he) will one day honor me before the whole world.

I believe, that's what He is doing. My son is being renewed by the Holy Spirit - and I am one very happy and grateful Mom, that's for sure. Especially since he also shared, that he has asked Christ into his heart. PTL!!!

Yet, yesterday there was a set back in school - which ALMOST made me loose hope and perspective. But the Lord has been faithful (despite me turning to chocolate as a renown comforter for many years, which made me feel incredibly weak and yucky last night and this morning - again, Satan trying to lure me away, thinking, oh there is no hope and that things will never get any better) the passage in Isaiah keeps coming back over and over again. Faith is believing in the things unseen - and according to our Faith it will be given to us.  

The next thing I read this morning, is, that it's a choice, to loose hope and give in to the bleak picture Satan is painting - or to boldly walk forward, in obedience and claiming the promise, God has set before me. Believing that even in the face of set backs, God is still doing a new thing, making pathways in the wilderness and creating rivers in the parched land. 

All I have to do is trust, believe and obey - and keep holding on to the promises and keep praying them back to God. I am so very grateful, for God reaching down to me and giving me such deep hope and peace. He helps me in the endeavour of retraining my thoughts in the face of the attacks of the Devil. All I have to do, is reach out to my precious God, who is always with me, even in my yuckiest moments. All I have to do is praise him, despite my feelings of defeat and trust that He has truly defeated Satan, and in Him we have Victory!!!

Here we go, and there surely will be more gray hairs over the coming months/years, but as long as I place my hope and my trust in God and His promises, I can't loose - I only get some more wrinkles - life/wisdom lines I call them. :)

Praise the Lord for providing in such a great way!!! Wishing you a hope and a future, that can only come from Him!!!  When we fix our Eyes on Jesus, we will never loose the perspective that leads to eternal life. Praying for you and hoping you enjoyed my first up close and personal blog.

Your sister n Christ,