God bless you - You are amazing in His sight, never forget that!!! He created you in His image, and we all have a Purpose!!!
The new blog is up and running - you find it here: http://youschka.blogspot.com - it's called: Yielding to the Spirit (In the Name of the Father).
I started yet another blog, called Snippets of Wisdom and Truth - http://youschka2012.blogspot.com - unfortunately I haven't had much time yet, to share a lot, but I am taking notes, and when the time is right, I know, God will provide time for this blog as well.
God bless you my friends....I look forward to see you on the other side/blogs - the new chapters of my life!!!
See you there - until then, stay safe and be blessed,
your sister in the Lord - forever and ever
Amen
Sunday 20 May 2012
Final Words.....
God bless you - You are amazing in His sight, never forget that!!! He created you in His image, and we all have a Purpose!!!
Hello my friends - I want to give you some background info, why I am writing as Youschka (my name in 'real life' is Tanja)......Youschka was the name of endearment my father gave me - this and Youschel......it took me almost until forever to realize that he really loved me dearly......just didn't know how to show it to me in the right way, or maybe I should say in the way that I could understand.....he was a very authoritarian father figure - I remember, when I was little I was afraid, when I was driving in the car with him, that I wasn't interesting to him - I had nothing smart to say.........I started fidgeting, when we were just him and I (still doing it today, when I am faced with moments of insecurity - I can't make eye contact, when I am in that place) - thankfully Christ has changed that too - today there is very few moments of this in my life anymore, and I know, when Christ has finished His work in me, even these moments won't be there anymore, cause I will be all renewed in Him.
In the course I am taking to become a Somatic/Psycho Therapist, I learnt, that all these mechanisms helped my soul to stay alive, to not give out and die. This school is not biblical at all - but it's representing Christ in the most perfect sense possible, as it accepts and frees from bondage. Helps the Psyche to understand it's bodily mechanisms or body postures better. Through picking up any movement whatsoever, that can be observed by the Therapist (Here I want to give tribute to the most intuitive and gifted person in this realm, I ever met - my Biosynthesis Trainer Gabriele Hoppe - Gabi, you are an inspiration to me), with detotalization of the body into different members of the body and into their unconscious movements or tics......lies the possibility to find out, what other movement might help the client to get in contact with new mechanisms, that fulfil the same purpose, but are voluntary and can be reproduced, because all of the sudden there is meaning and purpose in everything you do......thus the person learns to connect more fully to his or her innate potential, with the Talents and Gifts, God packed into their being.
But back to my name for the blog and my father..... - and my Heavenly Father for that matter: I chose to write under this name, because I want to honour my earthly Father - yes, he has hurt the little girl inside, but thanks to Christ filling me with His Holy Spirit, has made me see clearer, that He was just as much in bondage and had His own mechanisms in tact, that had done the same to him: kept him alive until this day.
The deeper meaning of this blog is to say: Thank you Papa, for the love you gave me, even though you didn't know how to show it, that I would understand it, I got glimpses in how much you loved me, through giving me these names of endearment, and for funding all therapies in this world, that I needed, to get in touch with this inner me, which is Christ, until I could grow up in Christ and now stand tall in my Faith and Trust in God, to heal me - Papa, had it not been for you, I don't think I would be where I am today - because of the tainted love you gave me, and my God given talent, to never ever give up Hope, I found the deepest treasure that is in this world, and this is the Agape Love, which is Christ. So I want to thank you from the bottom of the heart for all that you were - all that you are today (iniquities and all) - I can only look at you through the eyes of Christ, with the Grace He has given to me, and see who you are in HIM!!!
I love you and I forgive you - I know, you truly didn't know what you were doing - and because Christ has taken residency inside of me, Ich sage Dir, lieber Papa, steh auf und geh - Du bist Frei!!! Lebe das Leben, welches Du noch vor Dir hast im Frieden mit Gott und der Welt und Geniesse es. Du hast es Dir verdient!! Amen
Ich Liebe Dich,
Deine Jüngste,
Youschka
Hello my friends - I want to give you some background info, why I am writing as Youschka (my name in 'real life' is Tanja)......Youschka was the name of endearment my father gave me - this and Youschel......it took me almost until forever to realize that he really loved me dearly......just didn't know how to show it to me in the right way, or maybe I should say in the way that I could understand.....he was a very authoritarian father figure - I remember, when I was little I was afraid, when I was driving in the car with him, that I wasn't interesting to him - I had nothing smart to say.........I started fidgeting, when we were just him and I (still doing it today, when I am faced with moments of insecurity - I can't make eye contact, when I am in that place) - thankfully Christ has changed that too - today there is very few moments of this in my life anymore, and I know, when Christ has finished His work in me, even these moments won't be there anymore, cause I will be all renewed in Him.
In the course I am taking to become a Somatic/Psycho Therapist, I learnt, that all these mechanisms helped my soul to stay alive, to not give out and die. This school is not biblical at all - but it's representing Christ in the most perfect sense possible, as it accepts and frees from bondage. Helps the Psyche to understand it's bodily mechanisms or body postures better. Through picking up any movement whatsoever, that can be observed by the Therapist (Here I want to give tribute to the most intuitive and gifted person in this realm, I ever met - my Biosynthesis Trainer Gabriele Hoppe - Gabi, you are an inspiration to me), with detotalization of the body into different members of the body and into their unconscious movements or tics......lies the possibility to find out, what other movement might help the client to get in contact with new mechanisms, that fulfil the same purpose, but are voluntary and can be reproduced, because all of the sudden there is meaning and purpose in everything you do......thus the person learns to connect more fully to his or her innate potential, with the Talents and Gifts, God packed into their being.
But back to my name for the blog and my father..... - and my Heavenly Father for that matter: I chose to write under this name, because I want to honour my earthly Father - yes, he has hurt the little girl inside, but thanks to Christ filling me with His Holy Spirit, has made me see clearer, that He was just as much in bondage and had His own mechanisms in tact, that had done the same to him: kept him alive until this day.
The deeper meaning of this blog is to say: Thank you Papa, for the love you gave me, even though you didn't know how to show it, that I would understand it, I got glimpses in how much you loved me, through giving me these names of endearment, and for funding all therapies in this world, that I needed, to get in touch with this inner me, which is Christ, until I could grow up in Christ and now stand tall in my Faith and Trust in God, to heal me - Papa, had it not been for you, I don't think I would be where I am today - because of the tainted love you gave me, and my God given talent, to never ever give up Hope, I found the deepest treasure that is in this world, and this is the Agape Love, which is Christ. So I want to thank you from the bottom of the heart for all that you were - all that you are today (iniquities and all) - I can only look at you through the eyes of Christ, with the Grace He has given to me, and see who you are in HIM!!!
I love you and I forgive you - I know, you truly didn't know what you were doing - and because Christ has taken residency inside of me, Ich sage Dir, lieber Papa, steh auf und geh - Du bist Frei!!! Lebe das Leben, welches Du noch vor Dir hast im Frieden mit Gott und der Welt und Geniesse es. Du hast es Dir verdient!! Amen
Ich Liebe Dich,
Deine Jüngste,
Youschka
Friday 18 May 2012
I Repent.....
Good Morning my friends - this is the Day that the Lord has made - Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!! I love you all very much, and I believe that Christ has put this endless love for all mankind into my heart to help you find Him. He was and is and is to come - He has been with ALL of US since the beginning of time, and He will bring us back into His loving Arms, so that we will have eternity with Him!!!
This morning in my quiet time, God revealed to me, that I hadn't loved my Ex husband the way He wanted me to - through the song 'Tainted Love' that's going through my head these days.....and the fact that he (my Ex) is visiting right now, He (Christ that is) had been pointing me to this truth - again very lovingly - because that's just the way He is :). I know today, that it's true - deep down in my heart I wasn't ready - even though I had fallen in love, I don't think I was ready to truly LOVE again. I didn't know that then, but I know it today. There were 2 things, I did wrong - where I wasn't in His will:
1. I didn't trust God to either reunite me with the one I thought He has brought into my life for good, or to trust Him, to bring me another one, I could love as deeply. I took matters in my own little hands - thus stepping out from under His will :s
2. Because I wasn't ready to Love again, or should I rather say, because my heart was still captured by another man, I didn't give my husband my all, that he would have deserved and needed, to come into his own. I did love him ok, but that's never good enough - Love is too precious to waste. And I know I never gave Him the respect he longed for.
So I took this to my precious Jesus this morning, and we cried together for the years of pain and longing for fulfilment through the wrong channels - now that I have found Him, I don't look any further - His Love is enough. Today I know, that if He has a plan for me to be married again, He will provide. The one who finds me, through following His Heart and Christ, will be the perfect one for me - my forever husband to live happily ever after.
Love is Holy, Love is from God, Christ paid the price for Love, so we have to freely give it, and we have to give it whole heartedly, anything tainted is not good enough. Since we as mere humans can't do that, we have to give it to God, and let the Holy Spirit take over - we have to trust Him with our entire life, and not keep snippets of it to ourselves - in our own control.
My dear friends, I believe that this is my last blog under this title, I believe this chapter of my life is closed - I am ready to embrace my destiny today - I believe He will still have me write, as this is His gift to me.....and it's what I do, to bring Him Glory.....so, my friends, I am not deserting you - I never could, but I have to see, where He wants me to go, as all I want is to be in His perfect will for me - and you for that matter. So stay tuned, I will keep you posted here, when the new blog is up!!! I already got a name :) - Yielding to the Spirit (In the Name of the Father!!!)
God bless you - You are amazing in His sight, never forget that!!! He created you in His image, and we all have a Purpose!!!
I love you very much and I pray for you always -
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ,
Amen
P.S. Just wanted to tell you, that I spoke to my Ex husband and apologized for not loving him enough and not the perfect way I should have, and asked his forgiveness. Now we're free to move on!!!
P.S. Just wanted to tell you, that I spoke to my Ex husband and apologized for not loving him enough and not the perfect way I should have, and asked his forgiveness. Now we're free to move on!!!
Tuesday 15 May 2012
Epic Moments.....
Remember when I spoke of my personal Cinderella Moment - well, in the meantime I was blessed with an Empress Sissi of Habsburg Moment:
At the Dance Competition there was a little 5 year old girl that came on stage to dance a Ballet Solo - (at 5 years old) - WOW!!! She was dancing to the 'Radetzky Marsch' - which is an Epic song for me, it originates in Austria. It is played at the 'Neujahrskonzert' in Vienna every year - growing up with a family that loves horses - my dad and my brother competed in Horse Jumping Shows - most of the time for the Honour's Round after the competition, when you placed, they'd ride their horses around the arena or rink to this music and the spectators would clap - to make a long story short.......already when she started dancing to the music, my tears welled up. Then she forgot what to do and went off the stage.
She came back just before adjudication, to tray again (already a Huge accomplishment for a girl this small - God bless her heart for it). The entire auditorium clapped.....when they stopped clapping, I just went on clapping - a) I thought she deserved this, b) this March calls for this kind of Honour.......after a little while everybody joined in and the entire auditorium clapped throughout the entire dance - I had tears in my eyes - as I thought about Sissi - do you guys know the movie - the Empress, when she clapped in the Opera for the singing of the audience, which was extremely rude and out of place, the aristocracy had sent their servants instead of showing up themselves.....
That's what I call being bold for Love (aka being bold for Jesus) - even though at first you feel awkward, but you know, what you do is right, then, when other people join in, your heart is overflowing - in such moments, Christ is present in you.....what a gift. I am deeply blessed.
God wants to give us these epic moments - He gave me another one that same afternoon: one dance was to the song 'Eternal Flame' - it wasn't scheduled until the next day, but God wanted me to hear it, as it has been my favourite song for years, yet I almost forgot it......it's not played that much anymore - when I heard that song, I was weeping openly....moved to tears. Today I know: Yes, this burning is an eternal flame - it is the Eternal Flame of Love - the Love Jesus brought to this world. It's a gift from Heaven to Love Eternally. Amy Grant sings in 'The feeling I had' about twin hearts - I know the feeling, as I had it once......I believe, the Eternal Flame is when two twin hearts unite - when the Happily Ever After happens with your eternal Bridegroom - either this side of Heaven or the other side!!! That's the stuff the fairy tales are made of, to keep the Eternal Flame Burning.
Praying for you my friends, that you might recognize that Eternal Flame in your twin heart - it's easy to define: it's when you're loved, like Christ loved the Church - when you are loved for who you are, and not for who the other person thinks you should be, or if he or she seeks to find the love they crave. True love is about loving the other like Christ loved us - when we die to self, and turn our focus outward to love others, we're on the right track to find the Happily Ever After. The determining factor is the kind of love, is it Christ's Love shining through the eyes of the other person or not!!!
With this I gotta start my day - I need to relax some more, enjoy the time to myself in Christ a bit more - my day off only lasts until 4:00 pm today :) - and then my carriage turns back into a pumpkin :D
I love you my friends - may God reach out to your hearts and hold it safe in the palm of His hand - Your Destiny is safe in His hands. Be blessed today and conquer the world.
Amen
At the Dance Competition there was a little 5 year old girl that came on stage to dance a Ballet Solo - (at 5 years old) - WOW!!! She was dancing to the 'Radetzky Marsch' - which is an Epic song for me, it originates in Austria. It is played at the 'Neujahrskonzert' in Vienna every year - growing up with a family that loves horses - my dad and my brother competed in Horse Jumping Shows - most of the time for the Honour's Round after the competition, when you placed, they'd ride their horses around the arena or rink to this music and the spectators would clap - to make a long story short.......already when she started dancing to the music, my tears welled up. Then she forgot what to do and went off the stage.
She came back just before adjudication, to tray again (already a Huge accomplishment for a girl this small - God bless her heart for it). The entire auditorium clapped.....when they stopped clapping, I just went on clapping - a) I thought she deserved this, b) this March calls for this kind of Honour.......after a little while everybody joined in and the entire auditorium clapped throughout the entire dance - I had tears in my eyes - as I thought about Sissi - do you guys know the movie - the Empress, when she clapped in the Opera for the singing of the audience, which was extremely rude and out of place, the aristocracy had sent their servants instead of showing up themselves.....
That's what I call being bold for Love (aka being bold for Jesus) - even though at first you feel awkward, but you know, what you do is right, then, when other people join in, your heart is overflowing - in such moments, Christ is present in you.....what a gift. I am deeply blessed.
God wants to give us these epic moments - He gave me another one that same afternoon: one dance was to the song 'Eternal Flame' - it wasn't scheduled until the next day, but God wanted me to hear it, as it has been my favourite song for years, yet I almost forgot it......it's not played that much anymore - when I heard that song, I was weeping openly....moved to tears. Today I know: Yes, this burning is an eternal flame - it is the Eternal Flame of Love - the Love Jesus brought to this world. It's a gift from Heaven to Love Eternally. Amy Grant sings in 'The feeling I had' about twin hearts - I know the feeling, as I had it once......I believe, the Eternal Flame is when two twin hearts unite - when the Happily Ever After happens with your eternal Bridegroom - either this side of Heaven or the other side!!! That's the stuff the fairy tales are made of, to keep the Eternal Flame Burning.
Praying for you my friends, that you might recognize that Eternal Flame in your twin heart - it's easy to define: it's when you're loved, like Christ loved the Church - when you are loved for who you are, and not for who the other person thinks you should be, or if he or she seeks to find the love they crave. True love is about loving the other like Christ loved us - when we die to self, and turn our focus outward to love others, we're on the right track to find the Happily Ever After. The determining factor is the kind of love, is it Christ's Love shining through the eyes of the other person or not!!!
With this I gotta start my day - I need to relax some more, enjoy the time to myself in Christ a bit more - my day off only lasts until 4:00 pm today :) - and then my carriage turns back into a pumpkin :D
I love you my friends - may God reach out to your hearts and hold it safe in the palm of His hand - Your Destiny is safe in His hands. Be blessed today and conquer the world.
Amen
Monday 14 May 2012
Deeply Blessed......
Hello my sweet friends, how are you tonight??? I left home this afternoon, to 'take a day off' :) - what a Blessing, what a Joy. Jesus again provided for the most amazing evening, with Him. When I got to my destination for the night, I went for a wonderful walk in the beautiful sunshine - recharging my batteries in God's Creation - again He blessed me with butterflies everywhere - a Monarch Butterfly which gave me the privilege to watch him for quite some time.....and then yellow butterflies, white ones and blueish ones - and peace.....no noises, just God and I in His Garden full of delight!!!
Then a lovely dinner, with one of my best friends.......Michael W. Smith - no, my friends, no need to worry, we are not indulging in any immoral situation.....but I had bought his book on his latest concert - today I took to reading it. The people in the restaurant must have thought I was either a complete nutcase or just was a basket case out of a deep despair I was going through........as I was crying through most of my reading. Michael's word's have brought tears to my eyes, as they touched me to the core of my being............an absolute must read - His music has been a blessing to my heart for many many years, but reading his words (mind you, I still have a few more chapters to read.....) gave me yet a deeper insight into his beautiful soul - what a treasure this man is!!! A man after God's own heart for sure - an obedient servant of Christ.
Thank you Michael for all that you do for God's Kingdom. May God bless you and yours abundantly forever more. It feels as if I know you.......words that touch so deeply are truly inspired by the Holy Spirit, that's a given - and on this level, yes, you are a cherished friend of mine. I can't wait to meet you in July - I am ready to cruise with you.....What a Joy and Blessing this will be.
Now I have retired to my room and I am listening to MWS - what else could I listen to......MWS's old songs are absolutely inspiring as well as his new songs. Just so grateful for the Talent God gave to him, to reach many for the Kingdom of God.
Grateful to be able to spend a night away from all the demands of life, to truly retreat and to charge my batteries away from it all - and glad I got to take MWS along with me. God never stops to amaze me with his plan for me....
Friends, I am praying for you tonight, I pray that God may bless you with an abundant Grace toward life and all the people in it, that may have hurt you in the past. I pray that you may see, how much God really loves you, that in the big scheme of things we are called to trust God with everything that concerns us, and He will make straight all that concerns us......trust Him, to judge justly the ones that persecute you and to bless you, as you're obedient to His calling.
God is a loving God, He is quick to forgive........and slow to anger. Let's embrace Him, become like Him - and love those in our sphere of influence abundantly, just like Christ loved us.........
Jesus is Lord........He always was, He is, and He is to come and take us home, to the place, where He prepared a place for us, that we may dwell with Him forever - I want to spend eternity with you all.......
Be Blessed tonight - rest in the Lord - AMEN!!!
Then a lovely dinner, with one of my best friends.......Michael W. Smith - no, my friends, no need to worry, we are not indulging in any immoral situation.....but I had bought his book on his latest concert - today I took to reading it. The people in the restaurant must have thought I was either a complete nutcase or just was a basket case out of a deep despair I was going through........as I was crying through most of my reading. Michael's word's have brought tears to my eyes, as they touched me to the core of my being............an absolute must read - His music has been a blessing to my heart for many many years, but reading his words (mind you, I still have a few more chapters to read.....) gave me yet a deeper insight into his beautiful soul - what a treasure this man is!!! A man after God's own heart for sure - an obedient servant of Christ.
Thank you Michael for all that you do for God's Kingdom. May God bless you and yours abundantly forever more. It feels as if I know you.......words that touch so deeply are truly inspired by the Holy Spirit, that's a given - and on this level, yes, you are a cherished friend of mine. I can't wait to meet you in July - I am ready to cruise with you.....What a Joy and Blessing this will be.
Now I have retired to my room and I am listening to MWS - what else could I listen to......MWS's old songs are absolutely inspiring as well as his new songs. Just so grateful for the Talent God gave to him, to reach many for the Kingdom of God.
Grateful to be able to spend a night away from all the demands of life, to truly retreat and to charge my batteries away from it all - and glad I got to take MWS along with me. God never stops to amaze me with his plan for me....
Friends, I am praying for you tonight, I pray that God may bless you with an abundant Grace toward life and all the people in it, that may have hurt you in the past. I pray that you may see, how much God really loves you, that in the big scheme of things we are called to trust God with everything that concerns us, and He will make straight all that concerns us......trust Him, to judge justly the ones that persecute you and to bless you, as you're obedient to His calling.
God is a loving God, He is quick to forgive........and slow to anger. Let's embrace Him, become like Him - and love those in our sphere of influence abundantly, just like Christ loved us.........
Jesus is Lord........He always was, He is, and He is to come and take us home, to the place, where He prepared a place for us, that we may dwell with Him forever - I want to spend eternity with you all.......
Be Blessed tonight - rest in the Lord - AMEN!!!
Friday 11 May 2012
Shine for Jesus.......
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, the Light, the Alpha and the Omega - Yes, my friends, He sure is......when we let the Holy Spirit guide us.......we will find Him. With Him, everything makes sense. When I look back on all my life, I can see Him using absolutely Everything for the best of me, and I am grateful beyond anything I could have ever imagined myself being.
He can and will use everything for your best, if you let Him. Over the last 8 months, I have learnt, that my hardest lessons and times where those, when He was working on my behalf the most......and for my family (my little cell and my extended family) - Thank you Jesus!!! He is the perfecter of our Faith......He certainly has perfected my Faith over these last 8 months. When nothing else held together anymore, and I had to rely solely on His providence and His promises, He freed my from the bondage I was in. With regards to the situation with my son, I was so fearful, where this all might lead.....in deep despair, that I might not be able to protect him, save him........only to find out, that that was never my job to begin with - It was God's.........and He has provided everything we needed. Today my relationship with him (my son) is one of Trust, Grace and Love. He laughs a lot - actually we laugh a lot together. - we joke a lot, and he listens to me and I give him my undivided attention. The talks we have are great fun.
When I was pregnant with my son, I knew, that I was expecting a boy, but I was hugely afraid of having a boy - afraid I couldn't love him enough, as the men around me, when I grew up, have scared and scarred me deeply......I didn't know, if I could relate to a boy at all - if I even wanted to....
Today, I've come full circle - the relationships to my earthly father is healed and restored, ditto for my brother........and I love my son from the bottom of my heart. All this could not have happened, had it not been, for Jesus, to change me from the inside out. All my fears are washed away.
Jesus truly is the Way, the Truth and the Light - the freedom we are given in Christ is absolutely life altering, transformational...........I am gonna shine for Jesus until the end of my time here on Earth :)
God bless you all my friends - In Christ Jesus forever
He can and will use everything for your best, if you let Him. Over the last 8 months, I have learnt, that my hardest lessons and times where those, when He was working on my behalf the most......and for my family (my little cell and my extended family) - Thank you Jesus!!! He is the perfecter of our Faith......He certainly has perfected my Faith over these last 8 months. When nothing else held together anymore, and I had to rely solely on His providence and His promises, He freed my from the bondage I was in. With regards to the situation with my son, I was so fearful, where this all might lead.....in deep despair, that I might not be able to protect him, save him........only to find out, that that was never my job to begin with - It was God's.........and He has provided everything we needed. Today my relationship with him (my son) is one of Trust, Grace and Love. He laughs a lot - actually we laugh a lot together. - we joke a lot, and he listens to me and I give him my undivided attention. The talks we have are great fun.
When I was pregnant with my son, I knew, that I was expecting a boy, but I was hugely afraid of having a boy - afraid I couldn't love him enough, as the men around me, when I grew up, have scared and scarred me deeply......I didn't know, if I could relate to a boy at all - if I even wanted to....
Today, I've come full circle - the relationships to my earthly father is healed and restored, ditto for my brother........and I love my son from the bottom of my heart. All this could not have happened, had it not been, for Jesus, to change me from the inside out. All my fears are washed away.
Jesus truly is the Way, the Truth and the Light - the freedom we are given in Christ is absolutely life altering, transformational...........I am gonna shine for Jesus until the end of my time here on Earth :)
God bless you all my friends - In Christ Jesus forever
Wednesday 9 May 2012
It's a dance........
Hello my dear friends.....let me start by saying: I love you :) - God is so good........ALL THE TIME!!! I don't know why, but music is one of the best ways for me, to connect to my Daddy, who is in Heaven.....and right now, a certain song from Stevie Wonder is floating through my head and it has been coming up over and over again.....and I can assure you, it's not that I listened to it in the last little while - so I believe that this is the Spirit talking to me.....and He is saying.....: let me start by saying, I love you. It feels like, He is asking me to dance this dance with Him, and to rest in His embrace forever and ever - I will gladly take His hand. How precious is that??? It's through Music, that we communicate, through His word, through what other people say to us, or what we read throughout the day.....or which ever way works for you - it could be images or dreams as well.....and those are only the ones I am thinking of right now....He might choose totally different venues to talk to you - oh another way I find He's talking to me right now, is through Butterflies - I see them everywhere....in pictures, on cakes, on the table cloth I have on the table right now.......and tons and tons of real ones outside right now :) - there is a message in a flower, a bird, a heart shaped stone in a grave yard....you know what I mean. He is EVERYWHERE around you, you just have to SEE it and RECEIVE it - knowing in your heart, that it is for you.
I remember an instant many many years ago - I was working in a restaurant in Brampton, and I had just found out, that my co-owner had talked behind my back in a very nasty way - after I had confronted her, I was going to never ever in my life talk to her again. I then organized the newspapers in the restaurant, and one of the Headlines read: You are called to forgive - Ooooooops, I sure didn't want to hear that, then, in that circumstance, cause she had absolutely wronged me......yet, I knew, that it was God telling me, to forgive her - as I had been forgiven by Him - so I did it........she was in tears, and truly grateful, and our relationship has been much deeper then for the remaining time I worked with her, and even later.......now we've lost touch, but I know, that at this moment, I had blessed her, but I had also blessed myself - because unforgiveness causes a lot of pain - and Love covers a multitude of sin. And, obedience to the Holy Spirit brings big blessings.
I urge you my friends, take all your hurts to your Father, who is in Heaven......He can deal with all your pain, and He can take you in His arms and comfort you, and bind up your wounds - that others might have afflicted upon you either unknowingly, unconsciously - utterly unaware, or because they have been hurt themselves, and they are trapped in their own behavioural patterns, that they cannot be any other way. Extend Forgiveness and Grace to them - as you yourself have been forgiven, by the Father.
Ultimately, by forgiving them, you're freeing yourself out of the bondage you could have been in - and you're letting go of the burden.....passing it on to the One, who will judge each and everyone justly, He will do what He promises, He will judge those that persecute you. When you forgive, you trust that God, who knows your heart, and who knows their heart, knows what to do......
With this comes great freedom, the freedom, that God intended for His children. I am forever grateful, I am one of them. And I pray, that you may claim this truth for yourself as well. I lift you up in prayer to the Most High - I pray that you would be able to rest solely in Him.....not ever being tempted to go back to your old ways.
Praising God for His Faithfulness yesterday, today and tomorrow,
yours in Christ with Love and Grace forever
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